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Okay, let's keep in mind that the accusations could very well be totally fabricated... but just in case they're not:
There's a new Tommy Trojan in town!
Los Angeles Dodger rotund icon Tommy LaSorda is mixed up in a sordid affair that is threatening to tarnish his Pollyanna image: In a new book coming out by Heidi Fleiss' successor, Tommy is reportedly accused of ordering up a $1000 an hour Call Girl.
Tommy vehemently denies the entire story. He says he has never met this Hollywood Madam, or the Call Girl, and that if the book comes out, he will sue.
Hurting Tommy's case is the fact that another of the accused, a former member of the Sex Pistols, basically admitted using the service. On the other hand, Bruce Willis, who is also accused, also denies the story in its entirety. So maybe it's all bull, or maybe Bruce is still afraid of Demi. Either way, you will still be amused (or disgusted) at the "details" that are being reported about Tommy's tryst.
Two websites are reporting exactly what Tommy supposedly ordered, and also a report from the hooker after the deed was done. Do you want to hear, you sicko? Yeah, we did too, so here it comes:
[Warning -- If you are uncomfortable with sexual content, please stop reading now, and just skip down to the Cheerleader pics.]
Okay, so Tommy supposedly calls up the Madam, after being recommended to her by a friend, and he wants some company. She asks if he knows what type of girl he wants, and he actually picks one, a blonde, from photos on their website. She asks for how long, and he says about an hour and a half, because he HAS TO GET BACK TO HIS WIFE!! Then he asks how much. She tells him $1000 an hour, so 90 minutes would be $1,500. He doesn't flinch. ["Beisbol has been berry berry good to me."] Then he asks for some girl-on-girl porno to be playing in the background while he is with the girl.
Do you want to hear more? Are you sure? Okay, but don't blame us for any lingering "visuals" that you get saddled with. And speaking of "saddles..."
No, just kidding about that. He doesn't want the girls to saddle him up, whip him and ride him around like Seabiscuit. Actually, the girl reported back after the rendezvous (allegedly), that Tommy was nice, and not too aggressive. He just watched the movie, until finally a girl-girl scene began. Then, he took out his ol' "Louisville Slugger" and started to "rosin up." AGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! That's as far as we're gonna go. You can hear the rest somewhere else, like "This Week in Baseball." Too bad Mel Allen died; It would have been great to hear him tell this story.
But we don't want to make anyone sick. It's like everyone refusing to replay Shaun Livingston's injury -- You just don't want that mental image haunting you forever.
So why are we being so harsh to a non-trojan? Well, LaSorda is ALMOST a trojan. In fact, he was practically lovers with longtime sc Baseball Coach Rod Dedeaux. But it was a Rose Bowl a long time ago that made him an ENEMY:
Before one of the UCLA-Wisconsin Rose Bowls, LaSorda entered the Wisconsin locker room and gave the Badgers a pre-game pep talk. This anti-L.A. transgression, after years of kissing Dedeaux's ass, has earned him some bad karma (in our eyes).
We THOUGHT that he got his just desserts when he took that humiliating tumble on (Inter)National TV at the All-Star Game, but that was nothing compared to this ordeal.
Now he is going to forever be linked with a Hollywood Madam scandal, regardless of how fabricated the book is. Think Richard Gere. Did the word "gerbil" come to mind? Even though he's probably never even SEEN a gerbil? Make that "FELT a gerbil."
And what about his wife. Assuming that she's still alive, this will not be a pleasant week in the LaSorda household. Will she just take his word for it? Or will she be like you and us, and start to wonder why they would just pick HIS name out of a hat. It's not like he's a hot item whose name will sell books. He's hardly Britney Spears. He's so 90's, at best. So why HIM, and what about all these illicit details? Did someone go to all the trouble to invent a secret LaSorda fantasy world?
We hope this all goes to Court, and that they have all the encounters on videotape. Not that we'd want to see it (yeccch), but we would like the situation to be resolved with irrefutable evidence. Will it end up like Clintion and Jacko where someone has to identify LaSorda's Dodger Dog in a line-up?
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Oh man, all this talk about LaSorda is so disturbing that we need to take that rotten taste out of (y)our mouths (no offense meant to high-class hookers). So, after these two photos of LaSorda cavorting with someone at Dodger Stadium who is dressed like she could be on Heidi's roster, there are a whole bunch of UCLA Cheerleader/Dance Team shots from the Stanford game. Immersing yourself in these images of such beauty and purity are sure to transport your mind to a calm and tranquil place, where you can relax peacefully, and forget all about a fat old ballplayer "choking up."
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Click here for a Fan Letter about UCLA Basketball missing from Wikipedia -- And your help is requested
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