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Is Reggie Bush really the Devil? Because he just got kicked out of Heaven.
For some undisclosed reason, ex-trojan cheater Reggie Bush has been banned for life from Hugh Hefner's famous Playboy Mansion. Our Unabashed Dictionary now defines the Mansion as "unaBushed." Apparently, the Saint Tailback is no Saint -- After all, what kind of behavior gets you kicked out of a 24 hour-a-day orgy of hedonism? Was he walking around preaching with a Bible?
The Internet is abuzz with other purported reasons behind Hef's decision to trim Bush from the A List. Many think that Bush peed in another man's pot. In other words, Hefner supposedly caught Bush "piling up yardage" with Hef's new woman. After all, Hef is about 60 years older than her, and might not be able to deliver the Heisman-caliber performance that she's looking for. Others feel that "peeing" in another man's pot was actually a literal explanation of what happened here: Allegedly, Bush violated one of Hef's Pet peeves: He took a leak in one of Hef's potted plants. And when you're talking about POT-ted plants in Hef's backyard, well, would you want someone to drain their dragon on YOUR stash?
Another school of thought is violence. While word is that no Playmates were involved in Bush's misconduct, he may have been fighting OVER a Playmate. It's a good thing that no girls were involved, since Bush comes from a place that seems to foster Rape accusations, and no one ever says no to Reggie.
Whatever the reason, Bush is banned. Now, once again, UCLA-adjacent Holmby Hills is safe. What is it with Bush and prime Real Estate? First, he and his family have to vacate an Estate in San Diego (because it wasn't really theirs), then he wasn't allowed onto sc's sidelines for the Rose Bowl (valuable space was too limited), and now his surveillance photo is posted at every Guard Shack at the Playboy Mansion.
Now if Bush wants to see Playmates, he'll have to unstick the pages of his old collection like the rest of the trojan-nation. And if they want to see Bush, they won't find what they're looking for in the Grotto, or anywhere else on Hef's property (or in editions before the seventies).
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DAY AFTER NOTE: SUC OWNS THE MANSION -- The above story has just been denied by other sources. Supposedly, Bush is still on the Mansion's invite list for a party coming up at the end of this month. So, it's possible that Scott Wolf of the Daily News, who first wrote about this SCandal, could have been misinformed. If details arise, we'll let you know.
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