 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
It’s a Tale o’ the Cock(roach) –
We always knew that the dorms at usc are full of “roaches,” but up until now, we thought it was the kind of roach that you put in a roach clip and smoked. Now, thanks to an expert on filth, we realize that the trojan dorms are full of the bad kind of roach too.
“Girls Gone Wild” Producer and ex-trojan Joe Francis, who is currently doing time in Nevada, sent a letter to gossip website TMZ, stating that his prison cell is nicer than his Southern Cal dorm room. He said that his cell has cable, like the dorm, but not the cockroaches.
All that money for tuition and Figueroa Tech can’t afford an exterminator, or even a bug bomb? And speaking of bombs, isn’t it nice to know that if they ever go through with the saturation bombing of the University of South Central, at least SOMETHING will survive?
Isn’t it bad enough having to live down there surrounded by criminals, stray bullets, and other random acts of violence, without having to worry about giant cockroaches crawling up into your pajamas or underwear at night while you sleep? And speaking of underwear -- or lack thereof – Francis’ jailhouse letter was actually written in support of a former lover, and another trojan’s ex, Paris Hilton. Matt Leinart’s old friend Paris, who’s also in jail, had a meltdown last week, causing her temporary release. Francis’ response is that if she were Jane Doe, she wouldn’t be in jail in the first place. Like most trojans, he thinks that the rich and famous are unfairly persecuted, and of course, should be above the law. Paris had gotten away with many screw-ups before, so without her legal backing, she probably would have been in jail a long time ago.
A little research into this Joe Francis guy starts to reveal that he is the ultimate trojan, behind O.J., of course. Francis graduated from sc in 1995, and started Girls Gone Wild in ’98. His company is making upwards of $30 Million a year, but thanks to his trojan behavior and attitude, it is all about to come crashing down, The list of alleged crimes tops SEVENTY counts -- It is possible that Francis could be spending the next 40 years in prison, because we aren’t talking about forgetting to document the age of a few T & A girls; We’re talking about Rape, Sexual Assault, Child Molestation, Child Pornography, Drug Smuggling, Federal Tax Evasion, Racketeering, Fraudulent and Deceptive Sales Practices, and most recently, Bribery, of one of his Prison Guards, to try to smuggle in drugs (Joe’s business partner apparently got arrested for supplying the pills).
Yup, Joe Francis is another trojan role model. And SO f’-in rich, that he’ll somehow buy his way out of all this legal trouble. Besides the 40 years he’s facing, he’s also reportedly looking at some multi-million dollar lawsuits, including one brought against him by under-aged girls and their families who insist that they were plied with alcohol, and thus, lacking the ability to consent, coerced to perform sex acts on camera, for Worldwide distribution. He’s already dispensed with other lawsuits, by settling out of court, including one where Francis was accused successfully of stealing the whole idea for one of these lucrative video concepts. It figures – The whole cash cow of a concept is probably ripped off from someone who didn’t have trojan money to pull it off.
Another reason why he has so much money is the way he’s been selling his product. Allegedly, they are sending out more and more UNREQUESTED volumes, with a bill, even though the customers only wanted to buy the first one. Then customers don’t want to hassle with the humiliation of having to cancel the racy tapes, so they just allow their cards to be charged. It’s an old scam, made popular by music companies and porno distributors, but it works.
Despite all of the above, we LOVE the ubiquitous Girls Gone Wild infomercials. We’ve never seen a GGW DVD (honestly), and now we have to wonder: Based on all Francis’ alleged sleazy practices, do the DVD’s REALLY DELIVER all the promised uncensored action? Maybe they don’t, and that’s why Francis has so many enemies. Normally, WE wouldn’t want to be his enemy, as we’re no prudes (obviously), and we’ve got absolutely no problem with naked 18-year old girls. We even understand that 18 is an arbitrary number, and that many U.S. States have lower ages of consent. In this day and age of Britney Spears, a natural lowering of the aoc is probably a proper reflection of society, and the much-quicker development of today’s youth. However, it is perfectly clear what the rules are for Nationally-distributed videos, and Francis was aware of every one of them – It’s just that trojans don’t care about the rules. He obviously didn’t think the rules applied to him, as he’s already admitted lapses in his crucial date of birth records. That fact also seems to give credence to the upcoming lawsuits from the under-aged girls.
There are at least two different girls who say flat out that Joe Francis physically Raped them. One says that he took away her virginity in the process. He supposedly refused to stop despite her complaints of pain and more than one explicit request for him to stop. He also supposedly humiliated her further, by physically degrading her after it was over (facial?) in front of his friends, and then exclaiming, “She’s not a Virgin any more!!” Another girl who registered a similar complaint could not support her claims with evidence, so Francis turned around and sued HER, for $25 Million, plus $36 for the dinner she ordered on the night in question.
And as you might guess, Francis (reportedly) has repeatedly displayed belligerent and arrogant behavior, almost never accepting the blame for the transgressions, and often throwing tantrums and spewing threats across the courtroom, i.e., screaming at the plaintiffs: “I’ll bury you!”
…like when Scarface’s Tony Montana screams, “I bury the cockroaches!” …which brings us back to scuzzy u$c.
Too bad Joe Francis doesn’t have any eligibility left, or Pom Pom Pete, now known as “The Roach Coach,” would be all over him. Joe would fit right in with the Spirit of Troy, and he would ease the burden on the Coaching Staff, by bringing his own skanks to the locker room.
|
|
|
