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...and he's buy-y-ing... a ster-r-roid...to no-o-where.
No need for "we told you so's" here, as everyone and their sister knew, that when Johnnie Morton refused a post-fight drug test a couple of weeks ago, he had something bad to hide.
It turns out that his refusal is moot, because there was plenty of evidence in his PRE-fight test to probably doom him for life. It figures that he failed it, as it was probably the first TEST of any kind that this sc grad had taken since high school.
In the specimen that he gave the day before his bout, it turns out that he had something like TEN TIMES the normal amount of testosterone of a normal athlete, PROVING scientifically that Morton was using illegal steroids.
Even in these Mixed Martial Arts leagues, these substances are banned, and Morton knew it. But why did he think that his pre-fight urine would be clean? Did he just use "small" injections earlier, and then LOAD UP right before the fight? Was his hormone level ONE HUNDRED TIMES the normal level DURING the fight? Do steroids take effect that quickly? Apparently not, because Morton got knocked out just 38 seconds into the first round of his match-up.
Due to the drug test failure, Morton does NOT get the $100,000 that he was supposed to receive for fighting. Too bad, because that would have been more than $2630 PER SECOND, or $9.5 Million an Hour (like our Tax Attorney).
Not only that, but Morton is suspended from fighting, and could be banned for life. Of course, after the near-death experience he had when he got knocked unconscious in the ring, he probably had no intention of fighting again anyway.
However, he DID definitely want to return to the NFL. He plans on going to some NFL Training Camps this year. He can still do that, but he will be subject to repeated drug tests, due to his newfound status as a previous abuser.
So the questions are whether the over-the-hill and completely past-his-prime ex-trojan can still perform, without steroids, and whether any NFL team wants to take a chance on a known cheater.
The answers are "Doubtful" and "Undoubtedly." He won't help his future team, which will inevitably end up being the Oakland Raiders. They are coached by ex-trojan Lane Kiffin, who already signed Mike Williams, and is no doubt well-versed in steroid usage and other forms of breaking the rules. If Kiffin imports enough ex-trojans, they can change the name of the team to the Oakland ROIDers, and their new motto will be "Commitment to Xtacy (and other illegal Drugs)."
And while we're on the subject of disreputable organizations changing their names for the sake of truth in advertising, USC now stands for University of Steroid Consumption. Also acceptable: University of Shrunken Cajones.
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